I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im six kinds of drunk right now
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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