this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
