bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
