I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
