your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
