so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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