I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
