I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
