please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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