is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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