You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
