so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I didn't notice because vodka
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
