Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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