and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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