So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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