just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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