I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Found the puke drawer
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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