So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
