the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
