Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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