I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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