so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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