i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
