I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Randomize
