How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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