if i can run in heels then i can drive
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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