i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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