Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
