I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
