maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize