Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
