don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
