I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ketchup is God's man juice
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
