good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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