I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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