I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's always time for handjobs
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
