Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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