So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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