Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
