Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
