I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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