Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
