I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
