I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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