so that wasnt chicken after all
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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