Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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