i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
