Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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