today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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