I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder