mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila