He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
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He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
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you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.