I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.