better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.