you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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