She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
