all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
