OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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