I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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