Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
