I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
