I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
