Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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