No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
