I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
