I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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