You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
