Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize