You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
