you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize