will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"