I looked at my own cervix.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
