Kareoke will never be a sober sport
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.