dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers