It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
