The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
