ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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