Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
