Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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