Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
from now on my penis is your penis
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
