I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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