the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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