Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
