my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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