3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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