I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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