I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
