Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
