sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
