My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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