I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
