Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
