Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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