Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
