I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
